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Monday, January 17th, 2005
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I can't believe its been 17days since I last updated. man I've been getting lazy. Its not only journal updating too- its been with work- I'm too lazy to get up and do anything, and ditto with regards to my new years resolution of exercising.
I'm so lazy...
However, the one thing that has been blossoming is my fashion sense, its like I've channelled all my energy into finding that "perfect top" or that "perfect pair of jeans"- which I've found btw. I'm now officially addicted to shopping!! Everyday I MUST go downtown to the shops and everytime I do, I end up buying something dammit!!! I try to stop, but I can't help myself. It got so bad that I had like an hour free before lectures and I had to quickly just browse round town- and of course I ended up buying something, yet again.
Is there a cure for this? I must try and wean myself off shopping (even though I'm planning on going downtown again just to see what I've missed) and to make it worse, its sale season too.
These are the words of a desperate shopaholic- puhleese somebody help me! fashion's drawing me in, deeper and deeper and I can't get out!!
But on a lighter note, a girl complimented me on my outfit,lol.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, January 12th, 2005
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I've been browsing online and I spotted these on the old navy website:
I llove them to death. I want them soooo much. But there's a problem; I live in the UK and oldnavy doesn't do international shipping.
So being the smartass that I am, I came up with some ideas:
1. If someone has them in size 8.5/9 and is bored of them, they could sell it to me (pretty please?) I'm willing to pay a decent price for them (inc shipping to the UK).
2. If no one offers to sell, then I could pay a really nice person (via paypal) to buy them off the site for me and then ship it out to me (I'd pay for that as well).
*crosses fingers, I'm hoping someone nice will see this and help out a fashion comrade.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, January 2nd, 2005
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Hello all. Its a new year. A brand new start for everyone. Its been a time of looking back to 2004 to see what I accomplished and in 2004 I:
- Passed my exams and got through to 2nd at uni
- Got my first summer job
- hated my first summer job
- quit my first summer job
- went into overdraft
- rented a flat for the first time with some girlfriends
- realised how annoying girlfriends are when you start living with them
- built an extension to our house (family home)
- had to survive on virtually no money
- carried on with driving lessons
- passed my theory test 1st time in august :)
- passed my practical test 1st time in december :)
- got my second earlobe piercing!!!!! I'm keWlieZ!!!!! :D
Looking at that this, I have accomplished some things over the past year- specifically the driving (I even drove out and about today :) )
Next year I:
- look chic and stylish and different from everyone else
- want to increase self- esteem and confidence by dressing better and making more of myself
- find that special someone ;)
- pass my second year exams and move on to third year
- pay off all overdrafts and money owed and be financially secure
- go out more
- not to put myself down
- to try and tone up my body (I'm happy with my weight, but I'm just a bit flabby)
- be more adventurous and do more things spontaneously
- get more sleep
- join the gym (if I can afford it)
- not go on any stupid fad diets
- increase my confidence even more with driving
So thats my list, I'll probably add more as I go on through the year. The main thing is that I want to improve my self-image and self-worth this year. I've neglected myself the past year, always reaching for the first thing in the wardrobe and then feeling miserable for the rest of the day when I see better dressed and more confident people. Life's too short to play it safe. I'm going to start putting effort into my appearance and start wearing things I like, even if they're not fashionable or in at the moment. I want to be unique. This year I'm going to concentrate on myself. I'm worth it.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, December 24th, 2004
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Its the day before christmas, I'm bored, bloated (the festive eating has started) and I'm stuck with my family who are all grinning from ear to ear as if coked up to the eyeballs. We've even got friends coming over now!! at 10pm, crazy isn't it? So I crept into a corner and I opened up photoshop and this is what I made for you guys:
I'm an old softy really... I've even made a belated attempt to get into the christmas spirit.
Merry xmas everyone :)
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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I feel bad. Its been a couple of days- nearly a week since I last updated this thing. Sorry.
Well I'm now back home for the holidays and I've been quite busy- not with real work, but with webby stuff.
I've a confession:
the web-designing bug has bit me again. Its so bad I've gone and registered a new domain name, got hosting, made a layout and I'm now in the process of dreaming up content for the damned thing. Coding sucks too- now I remember why its boring to make a site: the hours of coding and uploading and making sure all the paths lead to the correct files.
Soon it'll be up. give me a couple of days, honest! At least I now have a good excuse for why I don't update my lj quite as often as I'd like to.
And if you're bored, this is the best: http://www.orisinal.com Go ahead.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, December 16th, 2004
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Have I been in a car since tuesday? Nope, not even as a passenger. BTW thank to everyone who congratulated me, I appreciate it.
Sorry it took me awhile to update as apart from the driving test, I also had a 3,000 word essay to hand in on friday and really needed to concentrate on that before making time for frivolities. I wanted to have the damned thing done and handed in today so I could really celebrate. Thankfully after spending about 6 hours (on just the referencing!) overnight, I finally stumbled to the faculty and pushed the essay into their hands with the words "take it!!!! just take the damned thing away from me" - Of course, I didn't. I'm too polite, but that was what was going on in my head as I gae them the essay.
Now I'm FREEEEEEE.
Oh that sounds good, let me say it again
FREEEEEDOM!!!!
The only problem is I'm bored with nothing left to do.
Damn it!!
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, December 14th, 2004
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| Time: | 11:52 am. |
| Mood: |  jubilant. |
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I PASSED!
You heard right, as of today the 14th of December 2004. The product of 2 years of struggle has come to fruition. 2 years of numerous driving lessons, 2 years of ups and downs and tears- and panic attacks even.
This means so much to me. I'm still in shock.
I'll write more later when I'm able to think. I to go and reward myself- shopping spree!!
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, December 13th, 2004
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Its now about 14 hours to go. I really am so scared. I really want to do this. I haven't told any of my family or friends when it is. I've told my family that my driving test is this week- but they don't know what day or time. My friends don't know and probably don't care.
I keep imagining how I'd feel if I passed-first time. The amount of joy and accomplishment I'd feel would be overwhelming. Plus the fact I don't have to keep shelling out money I can barely afford on driving lessons.
I'm going to be in such a state tomorrow.
I just want to say thanks to those who've wished me good luck through the past couple of days. I know its a drag to keep on hearing about it- but as of this moment, its a really important thing in my life that I want to sort out here and now. Hopefully I pass.
To the man upstairs: Puh-leeese let me pass.
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, December 8th, 2004
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Hello everyone ( or just the few people that mistakenly stumble across this site). I have been a bit lazy with regards to updating this lj. Its not that I have nothing going on- its just that I'm too lazy to update.
Theres only 6 days till my driving lesson. I'm still nervous about it, but the nerves aren't as bad as before when I was having panic attacks. I really want to pass it- so I don't have to shell out £16 every week for monotonous driving lessons. It is really annoying when you feel that you're shelling out money day in day out- only to be going nowhere(literally).
To increase my confidence behind the wheel, when I go home, I do the majority of the driving. I drive to church on Sundays and on Saturdays my mum lets me get behind the wheel and go for a drive. From this I have learnt 2 things:
1) Other drivers are asses
2) My mum is an ass (no, but she is REALLY annoying when I'm driving)
To the first point. This is true. I will probably become an ass with the rest of them when I pass, but seriously some people are horrible when they're behind the wheel. They think that the road only exists for them, they're so obnoxious, inconsiderate- especially to a learner! The number of times I've had someone cut in front of me from a junction when I'm like 2 metres away from them is ridiculous. And someone even had the nerve to press the horn at me. Well if you are that freak of nature who did that and are by some weird chance of fate reading this- and you know who you are- GET A FUCKING CLUE. Who the fuck do you think you are? How dare you press the horn at me? Seriously, some people need to stop living up their own asses.
And to the second, my mum is so annoying when I'm driving. Ok, I'll make a mistake (like slightly go over to someone else's lane). Yes I do realise my mistake and work to correct it- but before I can breathe she's launching into a 10 minute tirade about how I should do this and not do that. All this is from someone who does 40mph in 2nd gear and regularly goes over the pavement when she's turning in.
A simple statement would be fine- not shouting at me and making me even more flustered than I am already.
ARRRGGH. People piss me off.
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, December 1st, 2004
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I was getting bored with my wardrobe- its so dull, just basic jeans and plain tops and jumpers. Its all so stale and boring and I thought to myself "I'm getting old waaaaay before my time. I'm still only 19 and I'm dressing like someone who is twice my age!"
This all means that I want to get a new wardrobe and jazz up my style a bit. Problem is I have no money. This leaves me a few other options:
1) Steal and shoplift and be dragged screaming and kicking from the store when I'm found out
2) Go to a charity shop and queue with all the dirty smokey smelling people that go there (yeah I know.. the statement isn't politically correct or even true)
3) Make my own clothes and have people stay away from me in horror
4) Ebay
So far, I've gone for the fourth option and looked around on ebay. So far so good. I've won the bid on a really snazzy (I think) hooded jumper and I'm on the lookout for more.
Then I discovered livejournal buy/sell/trade communities!! What a Godsend! I've got my eye on a few things people are ofering, but I have no paypal bucks.
So... if you're bored why not have a look at my lot- in desperation I'm selling some *new and unused* Pucca stationery that I bought some months ago. Feel free to browse- in fact I encourage browing (and buying) here at: http://www.kosmic-kitty.net/sale
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, November 29th, 2004
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Who the hell is Marissa?? Am I missing something here?
No. Marissa is my alter ego. The one who can drive- (yes I'm starting to go insane here *manic laughter*). I've decided to invent this alter ego for myself. Me myself, I can drive but I'm a nervous wreck, make stupid mistakes and panic, but Marissa- she's the calm one- she can deal with the shitty drivers, she's calm and collected. She doesn't get into a hissy fit about overtaking...
Seriously though, inventing an alter ego really works. I went home this weekend and I just made myself drive around. On saturday night I drove my mum around for awhile before she said she wanted to stop at the supermarket- so I drove her there and parked ( I was still a bit shitty, BUT I'm learning from my mistakes and implementing the changes). Today, I drove to church- and I'd even rate myself 8/10!!!! I wasn't able to park when we got there, but I drove back home again too!! I'm feeling a little bit more confident and less nervous when I think of driving. My little brother gave me the best compliment ever! He said I was even better than my mum ( which isn't hard as my mum is a "sloppy" driver- she goes over curbs and drives 40mph still in 2nd gear??!!)
All in all, I do hope I'm improving in confidence. t the end of the day, its only a driving test- its not a "do or die" situation. I can always retake it and improve if I fail.
oh and BTW in my last entry when I said I had chest pains when I drove one time- I was on the phone about it to my mum, she said that it sounds like I had a panic attack. Very weird. I never imagined that I could get myself so worked up that I'd have a panic attack.
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, November 24th, 2004
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Does it really piss you off when you attempt something for weeks/months/years even
and you're still no good at it? Well for nearly 2 YEARS now, I've been having
driving lessons (the UK education system is too tight-fisted and lazy to offer
it in the curriculum like they do with you yanks etc).
Why has it taken me 2 years and I still haven't passed? Simple, I'm being
lazy and procrastinating. There are multiple chances to "leave it till
tomorrow" if you're the one who has to find a good instructor in the yellow
pages, organize the lesson times- trying to fit it into your already crowded
lifestyle, not to mention paying for the damned thing. And also besides
procrastinating, I had some lessons, stopped for awhile because of exams, carried
on with a new instructor, then stopped again. It gets a bit difficult to
maintain enthusiasm and motivation when you've gone through 5 different
instructors.
So all this has left me with a fear of driving. Partly because I don't trust
myself behind the wheel but even more so because of OTHER drivers (and you know
who you are out there!). I always dread each lesson, hate it when I am behind
the wheel. Its now so bad that I get like a pain in my chest and my throat
becomes really dry.
Anyway I decided that after 2 years of driving, I should be hopefully good
enough to take the test- I passed the theory 4 months ago, I'm now working up
the nerve to do the practical. I've booked it for the 14th of December (2/3weeks
time). Everytime I think about it, my heart beats faster. I've now been going
through "mock tests" with my instructor. I've had 3 mock tests so far
and: the 1st one I passed, the 2nd I failed with like 5 minor and 2 major faults
and today..*sigh* I was a nervous wreck. I was shaking. Its got so bad that my
instructor had a chat with me about it. He was alright, very understanding that
my nervousness makes me do silly things, but I just feel so angry with myself. I
KNOW I can be a good driver. Its just so frustrating that I'm so close but not
there yet. It just brings me to tears of frustration and anger with myself. Why
am I like this? I always clam up when I'm under pressure. Especially with
something I'm not confident in such as driving.
I came home straight from my lesson and just cried for awhile. I'm starting
to try and rationalise my fear and give myself a stern talking to. I just REALLY
want to pass this thing, I can't afford the time or the money to carry on having
countless driving lessons. I'm going to call my mum, cry on the phone and
hoepfully she'll cheer me up. I just have to improve- my test is in (2/3 weeks).
I've just got to pass this and get over this fear.
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Sunday, November 21st, 2004
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Today was a nonentity. Nothing, nada, nil. I decided to stay at Uni this weekend instead of going home. This decision is partly due to the fact that my flatmates complain that I always go home and leave them in the lurch and also because my mum and I haven't been the best of friends lately (long and irrelevant story).
Its annoying because my flatmates are like "Why do you go home every weekend? You're supposed to be independent now, as you're in university...blah, blah, blah" And then when I do decide to stay, there is absolutely NOTHING to do.
They're all so boring, they get up, do the laundry, do housework and watch tv like an old married couple and then they wonder why I don't stay. Weirdos.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, November 19th, 2004
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Ok. Yeah I'm a bit slow on the uptake, nearly a year after the whole getting a livejournal thing began- I've finally got off my lazy ass and got one of my own. Yeah it sucks that most people have actually moved on to myspace.com but I'll do it in my own time.
I also guess the trend is- after having customized it and with the whole system reeling from the number of overrides used on this thing- is to now shoot yourself in the foot and make it a "friends only" journal, thereby restricting your creative and "graphic-ing" genius to only a few select "friends". Why in the world would I want to do that for? I have no friends- well I do its just that they keep running away from me (maybe thats because of my acute halitosis) but w/e
So for now, the message is NOT FRIENDS ONLY. I'm spreading it all around. Whatever "it" is, I have no idea.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, November 18th, 2004
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
g_machine's journal
contemplative.
Chirpy.
blank.
nervous.
okay.
productive.
hopeful.
depressed.
bored.